I would like to start approaching this blog like a weekly column, with each one having a theme. Have you ever seen Sex and the City? That show hasn’t aged well in many ways, but I always appreciated how it was structured. Every episode would feature Carrie’s column and how the events of her life informed her writing. I am a relatively young transgender professional trying to break into a new field at the age of 36. My goal is to work in the field of mental health, gaining a foothold wherever I can using the degree I already have. Afterwards, I will be able to work on getting my Master’s degree (hopefully in psychology) and work on researching various things that actually interest me.
This week the theme is limitation. I feel limited by the circumstances of my birth, and my gender identity holding me back in various ways since the beginning of my life. I always knew from an early age that I was a premature birth. My mom told me that I was so eager to come into the world that I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted to be born now! It was only this week that I realized this sort of thing can have implications into adulthood that cause difficulties for living in this society we have here. Various limitations around physical fitness and respiration, cardiovascular health, and other neurological conditions are linked to premature births. In many ways this has been the missing puzzle piece to what I’ve been trying to figure out for the past few years.
Without going too much into my personal history here, it’s been a tough road. Life dealt me a tough hand in a lot of ways, even as I had a privileged upbringing in a small town. The first six years of my thirties I have been correcting a lot of things and aligning my lifestyle in a way that sets me up for success. I learned that I’m not into hairstyling, it pisses me off. Working on someone else’s hair not only brings me no joy, it feels like a punishment for not getting my master’s sooner. So that’s out and I’m working in a youth shelter. People there depend on me, but I do have limitations. I have a hard time saying no to kids, and get tired out more easily than others. My energy levels have been a consistent problem since I was a kid and I rely too much on caffeine to make up the difference. I know all of this, am painfully self aware and critical of my flaws to a fault. I know what I need to work on but my body and mind only come along kicking and screaming.
In order to keep going, I need to recognize my own limitations and work with them rather than against them. Prioritizing and time management are of utmost importance. This is true for everyone these days, we are all busy. But I think my specific challenges give me an extra incentive to get on top of this stuff. Here we get to the point. It’s easy to see these difficulties as unfair, to bemoan my situation and wish I had things easier. The fact is, though, that I can learn to transmute these disabilities and challenges and use them to achieve more. To become unstoppable. A wise person whose blog I used to read hammered the point to me that “restrictions breed creativity”. When the challenges pile up and things feel impossible, it’s time to change your thinking.
It starts with self talk. By now, I have clearly identified the problems and challenges I face on a day to day basis. I know how my brain works and what sets me off, what causes me to become paralyzed and “waste time”. Now comes the fun part – finding solutions. This is the year where I will start down a path that leads to becoming unstoppable. It’s not the year where I crash and burn because the pressure is too much and I can’t handle it. All of that is in the past, and I was fighting myself too hard. Trying to be something I’m not. We are who we are, and fighting it is a losing battle. My limitations are my strength because they provide direction – pointing the way forward that will lead to greater happiness.
It’s already happening. What if we just stopped fighting our own nature and learned to be nice to ourselves? To honor our own limitations and still be happy with them, loving ourselves all the more for our flaws. The world would be a softer, nicer place to live if nobody felt inadequate and everybody loved themselves.
Maybe that was the lesson I was supposed to learn this pride month (which was Not Good at all by the way…hope yours was better).
Love your flaws as much as you love your pets. ~Joelle